I was never here
by soundoftragedy
Summary: Dean stopped driving his Baby and Sam knows that something isn't right, but their life is like a dream, pure happiness, and he never wants it to end, so he doesn't pry. Until the truth comes crashing down and it all goes down. What will Sam do? What's up with Dean? This story s really happy, but really sad. Idc, decide for yourself and let me now


IT'S FEB 2ND, MY 20TH BDAY, OMGGGG

so, this story is kinda my bday gift (?) to you hehehe

* * *

Sam couldn't understand why his brother stopped driving his car. After all, she was his Baby.

Actually, Dean was being weird in general.

He would just sit in the passenger seat, watching him from aside, just smiling. No, not a sinister smile or 'I'm gonna pull another prank on you' smile, no, it was a genuine, warm smile that was directed at him and him only. And Sam could actually see the light in Dean's eyes, as if a sunshine was living in them somewhere.

It was a little bit weird, but it was… cozy.

It reminded him of times when they were kids, when they would sit in the back seat and talk to each other for hours, about anything and everything, until their dad would pull off somewhere or one of them would fall asleep.

Now it was mostly quiet, only a gentle music playing in the background. When they weren't riding in silence, Dean was talking. Not bullshiting him or trying to embarass him, not even talking about the waitress he saw in the last town they passed, no, he would ramble on for hours about something from their past, some memory Sam had forgotten. And Sam would smile with Dean, because those memories were fond and close to his heart.

Sometimes he would interrupt his brother to ask a question or two, but it was mostly Dean talking. About the summer in Milwaukee, when dad left them alone for three weeks and they were living in a cabin in the woods, near the river. They would go for a swim there, go fishing if they felt like it or would just sit there, throwing stones and telling each other their deepest secrets and nastiest thoughts.

For those weeks they were together, living in harmony. It all seemed like a dream. And that was one of the best summer's the younger brother could remember.

Then Dean would tell him about how Sam was when he was just a little toddler and took his first steps, the first time he tried to drive a bike or learned to read. The first time he asked him for advice of how to talk to a girl and Sam would share his own side of the story. They would tease each other and then laugh heartily, no heat in their words.

He would tell things about himself as well, his first date, how dad finally gave him the Baby, that time he ran barefoot through a football field because his date was a crazy bitch and he'd had enough with her, and how dad laughed his ass off when he saw him coming home like that, covered in lipstick, barefoot and looking like he was attacked by a stripper.

Every single thing, every detail he could recall, Dean told him about it. Every little memory he had, he shared with Sam.

And Sam couldn't complain, he loved hearing those stories, each and every one of them, no matter how embarrassing it was. It felt like the sun was finally shining on them and the clouds of unhappiness have finally left them.

Actually, it felt as if he and Dean had some sort of bond. Don't get it wrong, they've always shared a very strong bond, but now it was even stronger. They had almost telepathic connection. He couldn't feel closer to his brother and it felt nice, it felt like happiness.

At time like this Sam wondered, why leaving his brother alone for four years and chasing his dream with a white picket fence and a nice house seemed like a good idea, why a normal life seemed like the only source of his happiness? Because what he has right here is better than anything else in the entire world and no one would be able to show him something better.

Because he already has the best.

* * *

It took him a month to realize that something was going on and he couldn't pinpoint what.

"Sammy, nothing is going on, trust me." Dean would reassure him and Sam believed him.

"Are you happy, Sam?" then Dean would ask and first time in a long time Sam could answer him:"Yeah, Dean. I truly am."

Days went by and Dean's smile never faded from his face, the light never left his features.

They didn't hunt anymore, just drove around the country, every place they wanted to visit was theirs.

And that was okay.

It felt as if they were kids again, except this time there was noone to go bump into the night, no one to tell them otherwise. This time they could sit for hours under the dark night sky, talking about everything and nothing, and that was okay. More than okay.

Two months later Bobby called Sam, asking where he was.

"We are going to Milwaukee, Bobby."

"We?" a confused voice asked.

"Yeah, Bobby. Dean and I" he glanced at his brother in the passenger seat, who smiled at him softly.

Silence followed.

"Bobby, are you still there?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, boy, I am. So, Milwaukee, huh?"

"Yeah, I was hoping maybe we can find the cabin we spend our summer in '95. You know, spend some time there." the younger brother explained, and after a while he heard the old hunter answer:

"Alright boy, be careful. And take care of yourself."

"Of course, Bobby, you too."

Sam hung up, frowning a little. Bobby sounded weird.

"You okay, Sammy?" the older brother asked, his eyes eyeing him worriedly.

"Yeah, Dean" never better" he answered softly, because it was true.

* * *

They actually were able to find that cabin, but it was abandoned. Seemed like nobody visited this place for years.

Still, they loaded out their stuff and settled in.

"Want to go fishing, De'?" the younger man asked and received a nod.

A whole week passed in a bliss. It felt as if they were back to being kids, as if not a day passed since they left this place years ago.

"I missed this, Dean" Sam said, motioning to them. "This. Us. Being together with not a care of the world."

"I miss it too, Sammy" Dean answered, smiling sadly.

"Miss it?" the younger hunter frowned. "You mean, you missed it?"

"Yeah, Sammy" Dean smiled again.

"You know, we could settle in somewhere. Find a nice place like this and stay there, we don't need to hunt anymore. I mean, I don't want anything happening to you and I guess i just want some peace, you know?"

But when Dean stayed silent, he turned to look at him. When he noticed sadness covering his face, he asked: "What is it, De'?"

"Sammy, we can do whatever you want. I'll stay by your side whatever you decide."

"Yeah?" the younger man laughed, his eyes shining with happiness. That was all that he wanted. For Dean to stay with him.

"Whatever you want, Sammy boy"

And just like that it was all decided.

They left the cabin after almost two weeks of staying there, traveling further, wherever Sam wanted.

Grand Canyon, Lake Michigan, they even went to the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina and couldn't help but stare at the wonderful view in front of them. They even went to museums, historical places, whichever direction Sam pointed a finger to. Dean never said no, he always supported him and kept telling him stories, an easy grin never failing to leave his face.

And Sam thought, they could do this forever. This, them. They were happy and at ease. If he was honest with himself, it felt like a dream, a happy one, and he never wanted it to end.

One more week later, Bobby called again, asking to come to his house.

He's been asking for weeks, but Sam always said no. there was always one more place to go, one more thing to see.

Honestly, Sam didn't want to go to Bobby's, he wanted to keep going on, but Dean said that it is okay.

So, they decided to go.

A day and a hundred little stories later, they were at Bobby's.

He was a little surprised when the older man run out of his house to meet him.

"Boy, how are you doing?" he hugged him, looking worried.

"I'm fine, Bobby, we're fine. Better than ever, actually" Sam smiled widely, looking back at Dean, who was smiling back just as brightly.

"Sam, who is we?" the older hunter asked, frowning.

"What do you mean, Bobby? Dean and I! What, can't you see him or something? He's right there!" Sam motioned to Dean, who was standing next to the Impala, right by his side, smiling sadly.

"Sam, boy, there's no one else here. Just you and I" Bobby shook his head.

"Alright, enough with this nonsense, really." Sam was getting really annoyed. Were they playing some game, some prank he wasn't aware of? "He is right here" he put a hand on his brother's shoulder just to prove the point.

"Sam-" Bobby's voice broke up. "Dean's dead. He can't be there."

Sam felt as if someone removed the ground from where he was standing and put a hole in there instead, and he was falling into that black abyss with nothing to stop his fall.

"Bobby, this is not funny." he said in a cold, dead voice.

"Boy, i wouldn't joke about that, not ever. Don't you remember?" he asked, looking extremely sad.

Sam looked at his brother.

"Dean, what is he talking about?" he asked, frantically searching his eyes for answers.

Dean stepped closer, putting one hand on his shoulder, looking straight into his eyes.

"Sammy-" he said sadly, his look never wavering. "Don't you remember?" he asked. "I'm dead." he stopped for a second. "I was never here."

And in that moment, his world crashed

* * *

that's it for now. I'll post another chapter in a day or two!  
Leave a review! xx


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